Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I woke up under a house in Key West
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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