i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
