Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
