oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
