well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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