He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
