My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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