This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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