Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
