FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There's always time for handjobs
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize