Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
