she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Even my vagina gasped.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize