On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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