let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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