Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it's like heaven, but drunker
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
