oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
