New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
