tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Enjoy the penises
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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