I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
