I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
