"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
