Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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