I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
