I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize