Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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