I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
