yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
