so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
