Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
