It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
