Im at strip club and am horny
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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