So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
