You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
