What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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