I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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