I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
