come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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