How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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