At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
