Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
