Sry I called you an 8
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
