I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
