ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i permit you to call me
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
