just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
