Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
