omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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