Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize