OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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