I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
