Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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