sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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