and you said cock pushups were impossible
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So squirting runs in the family.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
