I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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