Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
