im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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