Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
