My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
