Who wears a wallet chain?!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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