guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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