having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
3pm strippers are depressing
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We left the knife in your bed.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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