Kiss
Puke
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
