Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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