god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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