The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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