do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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