just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
