Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
