dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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