All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
