i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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