I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You did what with his pubic hair?
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