Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
