A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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