i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
50% drunk capacity currently
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
