We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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