Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
