your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
