I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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