this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
