btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
