So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
