I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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